


Deep Breath Out and It's Gone

by orphan_account



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter RPF
Genre: AH OT6, Angst, M/M, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-01
Updated: 2014-03-01
Packaged: 2018-01-14 04:29:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 393
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1252924
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>flowercrown-john asked:<br/>asexual!anyone telling their parter(s) theres something utterly awful about telling others that youre asexual you know that theyre not trying to be hurtful and that ignorance is often not a choice but you really dont want to be the one to explain it and while youre trying to explain they ask the questions wrong in a way that makes you feel emotions from before you knew what asexuality was the old insecurities and hate for yourself pop up your hands are shaking and you feel awful and nervous</p>
            </blockquote>





	Deep Breath Out and It's Gone

Take a deep breath in and know they aren’t doing this on purpose. That it’s only ignorance that feeds them this way. Deep breath out and answer best you can without yelling. Without tearing out your hair. Without crying, even though the tears are already building up- you can’t let them through. You have to be strong through this. Despite your shaking, you keep walking. You keep moving forward with them and look them in the eye when talking. Staring at your hands won’t help you explain how yes, you have had sex. How no, it’s not just waiting for the right person. How you exist and don’t really need sex in your life. How you can still make plenty of jokes about it because it’s cultural, not personal.

How you can’t change who you are but it doesn’t seem to matter how you say it. Your words are useless and bring you back to the days where you didn’t have a word for this. Where you were terrified that there was something wrong with you. Maybe there still is. Maybe you’re not supposed to be this way. Maybe no one is supposed to be this way. All you can do is shake your head to try and push the worries away. You’re older now. You’re smarter. You know there’s nothing wrong with you for being this way. Nothing wrong with how you feel about this.

Yet it’ll always feel like it, because when you take a deep breath out and tell them you’re asexual- Geoff’s answer is: "Nah. I don’t think so. I mean, it’d be cool if you are, but you’re way too tactile. I don’t think that you’re asexual."

That’s when breathing becomes something of the past and you can feel tears slip by but you can’t bring yourself to care. You’re told who you are, and even as you argue all you can do is try not to nod your head and accept. Try not to speak out against it and say that it’s not Geoff’s decision what you are. Who you are. It doesn’t matter anyways, really. No one ever really cared anyways, just tolerated. That’s all you had, five boys who tolerated you and put up with your shit.

You take a deep breath out, and you loose a little more of who you think you are.


End file.
